06-22-2010, 04:30 PM
This is kind of gay and pathetic but it's something I need to get off my chest.
WARNING INCOMING LIFE STORY
So basically I moved to Ohio when I was 10-11 years old. I had a few friends from down in atlanta where I used to live, but obviously only a couple my entire time there due to obvious reasons (racism, "gang-mentality" being cool, etc) and a lot of my people-to-people experience was through my older sister who's "Type-A" personality type made it so she could basically befriend anyone.
But life was still good because I did a lot of cool things as a kid, even though my only good friend (the "I'll stand up for you" type) was one that only lived in our area for about a year before he moved. He was a real inspiration to me, and the way he valued friendship struck a chord that is still there to this day (and I think what drives me the most).
Anyways I moved. I made friends with my neighbors up here in ohio, but I never really liked them. We didn't have too much in common and the default of "just being cool around each other" didn't happen to much because I didn't like his personality all that well. My real friends throughout all of middleschool and high school I met and grew to know through the boyscouts which I joined when I was 11.
Again these friends I didn't have a whole lot in common with at first but all of us grew together as we did boyscout outings together and we all kind of developed a few similar interests. Camping/outdoorsy stuff (which I pretty much did every month till the end of highschool with them), magic: the gathering (never played seriously with them or anything though, and I would always borrow their massive stockpile of cards), and console games. Though I was never that into console games it was still fun to play games with them like any other friend would right? Might sound normal to most people but it feels like a novelty to me because I've never known anyone outside myself and my sister who actually liked to play video games or any other kind of "geek" culture.
I was never the "center" of our group of friends due to my personality type and me being insecure about myself growing up (thank you homosexuality and all my other interests!), but it was still good.
Anyways, high school happened and then went. My high school wa pretty much as steriotypical "americana" as you can get. If you wern't involved or didn't know someone in band, drumline, or sports, you pretty much didn't associate with anyone. Our school didn't really have a "geek culture" and we didn't have anything beyond the standard textbook "high school" groupees. Anyways me and my friends all drifted apart as each of us started to do our own little thing after high school was over. I never did actually get their phone numbers or anything. But like I said I never related to any of them on a personal level beyond "I enjoy hanging out" so calling my friends up and just chatting with them was something completely alien to me.
Suddenly I found myself in the freedom of college and by myself in the world, with the only people I really socialized with being internet friends (who WERE all people I could completely relate to interest wise or personality wise, but obvious they didn't live near me). It's been about two years since then, and I've realized just how much I still don't know what to do with myself as a person. I've also missed my old friends and old times with them but because of my insecurities about myself as a person growing up and that "lack of many similar interests" I've never really felt to connected with them.
Fast forward to this year, where out of the blue I get an e-mail from someone saying they read some profile I had up online that I lived in Dayton area and he was interested in chatting. We talked pretty much nonstop for two weeks straight and met up a couple of times to. For the first time in my entire life, I've actually met someone who has similar interests as me on most levels and is also someone I can relate to as a person. Plays PC games, like really geek-centric stuff (like warhammer), reading, camping/hiking/outdoorsy stuff, is actually a furry (I'm not a HUGE furry but I find a taste in it), likes animals, is also gay, etc.
Except he's also everything that I've always wished for in myself. He's lived in virginia during high school. In virginia, he has had a lot of friends just like him or similar to him enough that he can relate to on more than one or two things. His school did have a "geek culture" to it. He's lived a pretty successful social life despite being kinda introverted. He has done things with his interests that I used to only dream of doing but never could, never knew enough people, or just never knew the right people who had similar interests to me (like paintballing regularly, hiking in colorado/arizona/niagra falls, playing table top games, playing serious games of magic in tournys and stuff, watching movies all the time with friends, going to lan parties all the time, etc). These are all things I've always wished I could have experienced growing up but this area simply didn't have that kind of "scene" if you will.
So naturally you can imagine just how envious I was of him and just how much I wanted to actually make a new friend that I could have fun and do stuff like the above with.
Anyways, on the third week we knew each other, he's asked me out. Foolishly I agreed despite me wanting to get to know him better, and despite me being who I was: someone who didn't know how to actually make and be friends with someone I could relate to. I've never told him any of this, and he probably went in on dating me and being my friend assuming that I've done a lot of similar things that he has because of my interests.
Fast forward to today, where a week ago he broke up with me because of reason's I mentioned in the FML thread and I won't get into that because he's not what this thread is about. But right now I feel terrible about my life, because I blew a friendship with the only person I've ever known in person that I've actually related to beyond one or two things.
LIFE STORY OVER BRO!
TL;DR: Never had a lot of friends growing up, made good friends when I was 11 though I never felt particularly connected with them. I've never made a new friend since, because I stayed friends with them all the way up through high school. High school was over, we all went our different ways, and I find myself pretty much alone. Met a guy for the first time in my life I can relate to on more than one point, but I blow it because of my lack of friend-making and understanding about myself.
ANYWAYS the point of this thread is... I've pretty much forgotten how to make new friends and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm 20 years old, I go to school, work about 20-24 hours a week at a new job, etc. Summer has arrived adn the only people I really know and can do things with are my older sister and her fiance who I both roomate with. They are great and all and I can relate to them on more than one level, but they are so type-a personality and frankly they are also family so it's not the same.
I feel like a fool but I don't know how to make new friends and after my episode with me ruining my friendship and relationship with my ex-boyfriend as of last week, I've realized just how much I am missing out on life. But I just don't know how to meet people I am interested in getting to know... and having them be interested in me. I can't help but feel like I'm an old dog who can't learn a (very basic) new trick whcih is getting to know and be friends with new people.
But the problem is that I feel like there is nothing here. Nothing to do, and no one who actually shares mutual interests around here with me. And now that I'm in college, everyone either already has friends, is only looking for friends within their cliques that they have been with since high school, or I simply only interact with them for a couple of months before we all move on to take completely different classes.
I'd love to go and go on an exciting outdoor adventure, love to do a lan party, love to do all sorts of things that I've never been able to do before but I've only known one person who likes that kind of stuff but I messed that up. And it doesn't help that he thinks that I've always had friends like him (like he has), when in reality I haven't, and I'm pretty sure I came off as a little boring because of it.
Anyways, what do I do? How can I make new friends at the age of freedom when I don't even know where to go? I don't have a school in which I interact with the same people year round that I could try and be friends with, there arn't any "groups" that I've ever heard about around where I live where I can find people with my interests, and simply put I don't even know how to approach those situations. And frankly most people I've seen want friends with people that also have friends that they could hang out and be around.
I'm just so hopelessly lost with myself right now. Ever since high school was over, I've been spending most of time indoors just doing my own thing, looking outside and wanting to experience friendship again so bad. But my lack of experience, my desperation, and the fact that I can't find a single soul in my area who has close to the same interests ever since I moved here has crippled my confidence in this area, and I don't know where to start.
Any help, any insights?
WARNING INCOMING LIFE STORY
So basically I moved to Ohio when I was 10-11 years old. I had a few friends from down in atlanta where I used to live, but obviously only a couple my entire time there due to obvious reasons (racism, "gang-mentality" being cool, etc) and a lot of my people-to-people experience was through my older sister who's "Type-A" personality type made it so she could basically befriend anyone.
But life was still good because I did a lot of cool things as a kid, even though my only good friend (the "I'll stand up for you" type) was one that only lived in our area for about a year before he moved. He was a real inspiration to me, and the way he valued friendship struck a chord that is still there to this day (and I think what drives me the most).
Anyways I moved. I made friends with my neighbors up here in ohio, but I never really liked them. We didn't have too much in common and the default of "just being cool around each other" didn't happen to much because I didn't like his personality all that well. My real friends throughout all of middleschool and high school I met and grew to know through the boyscouts which I joined when I was 11.
Again these friends I didn't have a whole lot in common with at first but all of us grew together as we did boyscout outings together and we all kind of developed a few similar interests. Camping/outdoorsy stuff (which I pretty much did every month till the end of highschool with them), magic: the gathering (never played seriously with them or anything though, and I would always borrow their massive stockpile of cards), and console games. Though I was never that into console games it was still fun to play games with them like any other friend would right? Might sound normal to most people but it feels like a novelty to me because I've never known anyone outside myself and my sister who actually liked to play video games or any other kind of "geek" culture.
I was never the "center" of our group of friends due to my personality type and me being insecure about myself growing up (thank you homosexuality and all my other interests!), but it was still good.
Anyways, high school happened and then went. My high school wa pretty much as steriotypical "americana" as you can get. If you wern't involved or didn't know someone in band, drumline, or sports, you pretty much didn't associate with anyone. Our school didn't really have a "geek culture" and we didn't have anything beyond the standard textbook "high school" groupees. Anyways me and my friends all drifted apart as each of us started to do our own little thing after high school was over. I never did actually get their phone numbers or anything. But like I said I never related to any of them on a personal level beyond "I enjoy hanging out" so calling my friends up and just chatting with them was something completely alien to me.
Suddenly I found myself in the freedom of college and by myself in the world, with the only people I really socialized with being internet friends (who WERE all people I could completely relate to interest wise or personality wise, but obvious they didn't live near me). It's been about two years since then, and I've realized just how much I still don't know what to do with myself as a person. I've also missed my old friends and old times with them but because of my insecurities about myself as a person growing up and that "lack of many similar interests" I've never really felt to connected with them.
Fast forward to this year, where out of the blue I get an e-mail from someone saying they read some profile I had up online that I lived in Dayton area and he was interested in chatting. We talked pretty much nonstop for two weeks straight and met up a couple of times to. For the first time in my entire life, I've actually met someone who has similar interests as me on most levels and is also someone I can relate to as a person. Plays PC games, like really geek-centric stuff (like warhammer), reading, camping/hiking/outdoorsy stuff, is actually a furry (I'm not a HUGE furry but I find a taste in it), likes animals, is also gay, etc.
Except he's also everything that I've always wished for in myself. He's lived in virginia during high school. In virginia, he has had a lot of friends just like him or similar to him enough that he can relate to on more than one or two things. His school did have a "geek culture" to it. He's lived a pretty successful social life despite being kinda introverted. He has done things with his interests that I used to only dream of doing but never could, never knew enough people, or just never knew the right people who had similar interests to me (like paintballing regularly, hiking in colorado/arizona/niagra falls, playing table top games, playing serious games of magic in tournys and stuff, watching movies all the time with friends, going to lan parties all the time, etc). These are all things I've always wished I could have experienced growing up but this area simply didn't have that kind of "scene" if you will.
So naturally you can imagine just how envious I was of him and just how much I wanted to actually make a new friend that I could have fun and do stuff like the above with.
Anyways, on the third week we knew each other, he's asked me out. Foolishly I agreed despite me wanting to get to know him better, and despite me being who I was: someone who didn't know how to actually make and be friends with someone I could relate to. I've never told him any of this, and he probably went in on dating me and being my friend assuming that I've done a lot of similar things that he has because of my interests.
Fast forward to today, where a week ago he broke up with me because of reason's I mentioned in the FML thread and I won't get into that because he's not what this thread is about. But right now I feel terrible about my life, because I blew a friendship with the only person I've ever known in person that I've actually related to beyond one or two things.
LIFE STORY OVER BRO!
TL;DR: Never had a lot of friends growing up, made good friends when I was 11 though I never felt particularly connected with them. I've never made a new friend since, because I stayed friends with them all the way up through high school. High school was over, we all went our different ways, and I find myself pretty much alone. Met a guy for the first time in my life I can relate to on more than one point, but I blow it because of my lack of friend-making and understanding about myself.
ANYWAYS the point of this thread is... I've pretty much forgotten how to make new friends and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm 20 years old, I go to school, work about 20-24 hours a week at a new job, etc. Summer has arrived adn the only people I really know and can do things with are my older sister and her fiance who I both roomate with. They are great and all and I can relate to them on more than one level, but they are so type-a personality and frankly they are also family so it's not the same.
I feel like a fool but I don't know how to make new friends and after my episode with me ruining my friendship and relationship with my ex-boyfriend as of last week, I've realized just how much I am missing out on life. But I just don't know how to meet people I am interested in getting to know... and having them be interested in me. I can't help but feel like I'm an old dog who can't learn a (very basic) new trick whcih is getting to know and be friends with new people.
But the problem is that I feel like there is nothing here. Nothing to do, and no one who actually shares mutual interests around here with me. And now that I'm in college, everyone either already has friends, is only looking for friends within their cliques that they have been with since high school, or I simply only interact with them for a couple of months before we all move on to take completely different classes.
I'd love to go and go on an exciting outdoor adventure, love to do a lan party, love to do all sorts of things that I've never been able to do before but I've only known one person who likes that kind of stuff but I messed that up. And it doesn't help that he thinks that I've always had friends like him (like he has), when in reality I haven't, and I'm pretty sure I came off as a little boring because of it.
Anyways, what do I do? How can I make new friends at the age of freedom when I don't even know where to go? I don't have a school in which I interact with the same people year round that I could try and be friends with, there arn't any "groups" that I've ever heard about around where I live where I can find people with my interests, and simply put I don't even know how to approach those situations. And frankly most people I've seen want friends with people that also have friends that they could hang out and be around.
I'm just so hopelessly lost with myself right now. Ever since high school was over, I've been spending most of time indoors just doing my own thing, looking outside and wanting to experience friendship again so bad. But my lack of experience, my desperation, and the fact that I can't find a single soul in my area who has close to the same interests ever since I moved here has crippled my confidence in this area, and I don't know where to start.
Any help, any insights?