Be Right Back, Uninstalling

for posts from anonymous accounts.
I feel that I can trust the admins not to investigate where the accounts connect from.
I wrote the following note letting words flow.
I did it as a form of therapy and just thought of what I would tell a therapist if he/she were in the room.
I am neither seeking nor refusing advice but I feel sharing may help.

I feel inadequate
I just keep failing
I'm a drain on my family
my family loves me
my death would hurt my family a lot
my death would preemptively relieve my family of the burden that I think I will become
if I die I won't fail anymore
there are reasons to live
there are many things that make me happy
the thing making me sad is myself
I'm increasingly disliking myself
I don't deserve what has been giving to me
the resources poured into me could have given someone else their chance
I wasted my chance
it's not over
it's starting to be over
I've always been a quitter
quitting has always served me as a sort of relief
a relief from the stress of a challenge or task
I am lazy
i am sad
I am depressed
suicide would be quitting everything
I don't believe in god
my spirituality does not depress me
I find beauty in the sense that I am the universe recognizing itself
lack of spirituality is not the problem
inadequacy is
i just keep on failing
I feel as though I'm destined to fail now
i feel as though I am capable of changing said path but at the same time cannot
I am not stupid
I find it difficult to bring myself to do work
I have friends
killing myself would hurt my friends
it would scar them deeply
one of my friends, if not a few of my friends, went through counseling when he was depressed
if I kill myself I may depress them again
I do not want to do that
at this point, the reason I have not killed myself is for the sake of others
this fact depresses me
I want to be able to live for and love myself
I do not
I simply cannot bear the thought of hurting my loving family and friends with a death
they have given me far too much
infintely more than I deserve
I am not crying but tears are behind my eyes
I want to better myself and start working harder
yet at the same time I feel that I know I won't
although killing myself would hurt many people I care for, I am starting to believe it would be good for both them and myself
even though none of them wish my death and would be hurt by it, people freuqently don't know what's good for them
killing myself will leave a mark the but the present pain will fade
if I stay I will slowly degenerate
they will begin to dislike if not hate me
in a sense the former me that they knew will have been slowly dying
it may be better to end it sooner
I am feeling sad

I have just been interrupted. I may or may not continue this later. thank you for reading.

depression is a regular thing that happens to regular and healthy human beings.

suicide at a young age is such an awful mindfuck to everyone that cares, loves, and knows you.

You may think that talking about it anonymously may help, and it might, but there are far better resources than BRBu for that. (seriously, we don't get our gaming advice from about.com and you should not rely on heath advice from a videogaming club).

For anon-style help, try here: http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html call from google voice if you don't want to call on a cell.

But the best source of help is those that love you: family, friends, mentors, teachers, professors, coaches, pastors, preachers. they can't help you if you don't let them in.

(12-26-2011, 10:45 PM)rumsfald link Wrote: [ -> ]depression is a regular thing that happens to regular and healthy human beings.

suicide at a young age is such an awful mindfuck to everyone that cares, loves, and knows you.

You may think that talking about it anonymously may help, and it might, but there are far better resources than BRBu for that. (seriously, we don't get our gaming advice from about.com and you should not rely on heath advice from a videogaming club).

For anon-style help, try here: http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html call from google voice if you don't want to call on a cell.

But the best source of help is those that love you: family, friends, mentors, teachers, professors, coaches, pastors, preachers. they can't help you if you don't let them in.

You know Rumsfald, that's kinda why I respect you. You're a great quipper and snark extraordinaire, then you can turn around and post something well thought out, and, well, nice. +1.

The place you're in is not a good one to be. I can't say I know exactly what you feel, but I've felt it or seen it in others. My thoughts are with you, anon#1.

Go with Rummy's advice... he doesn't have over 1K positive karma for blowing crap out of his ass.  :p

(12-27-2011, 04:49 AM)Didzo link Wrote: [ -> ]Go with Rummy's advice... he doesn't have over 1K positive karma for blowing crap out of his ass.  :p

This, oh so much this. Also just because you are able to make a second account, as an admin I can see the IP you post from. This tells me who you are, and I will not divulge this information.

But seriously go get help, Rummy pretty much touched all the bases on what to do, so I have nothing further to add there

Yes x 1000 to all of these responses

Normally, I'd approach threads like these with something along the lines of "lol butts". But not now.


No matter what shit you're facing, it's not worth dying over. Talk to your internet friends, talk to RL friends, talk to your family, just fucking talk to someone. Get it off your chest. More than anything else, keeping what your feeling bottled up is causing you the most pain.

Good luck. Depression is normal and you can get better at dealing with it if you work on it. You don't know how many friends I have that are awesome people with lots of friends who had a really shitty time of it when they were younger, myself included.

(12-27-2011, 10:30 AM)Surf314 link Wrote: [ -> ]Good luck. Depression is normal and you can get better at dealing with it if you work on it. You don't know how many friends I have that are awesome people with lots of friends who had a really shitty time of it when they were younger, myself included.

Yes. Many of us (myself included) have been there. Don't let it get you down, and remember that the only way to go from where you're at is up.

honestly im not sure what i can add to what other members have already said, but seriously read what these guys have got to say, especially rummy.

life gets better, no one person has not hit a low part of their life. this sort of thing happens to everyone, its how they deal with it thats different. believe in yourself first of all and most of all, because your friends, family, loved ones, etc. already do that. so yeah.

Lots of us have been there as many have said. Just go see someone. Even just talking about it can help, and if that isn't enough, there is still more that people can do to help. Nothing like this is ever worth losing your life for.