I'm actually in the middle of writing a short film and would love everyone's thoughts on it, once it's finished that is.
(11-19-2012, 05:38 PM)Karth link Wrote: [ -> ]I'm actually in the middle of writing a short film and would love everyone's thoughts on it, once it's finished that is.
Sure thing. I'm a sucker for reading scripts and short stories.
I can write a short story. It wont be long or nothin. Prolly a couple sentences....LETS GO
There once was a midget. He was short and it was funny. END
anglerfish story was interesting.
(12-13-2012, 07:30 PM)Karth link Wrote: [ -> ]Here's the script I wrote.
It's still a work in-progress. I'd love any constructive criticism.
The first thing that comes to mind is detail, especially for a short. I want to know how old he is, what he looks like, as much information about locations and interiors as possible. I can imagine all of the locations, but I want you to tell me what I should be seeing. After all, it's a visual medium. You probably already know that and are planning on it, but I'm just listing stuff so I don't leave anything out. Also, does he not feel any emotions at all? Or does he just lack the ability to express? I read a little bit about the blunted affect. I guess it's not that important for something small like this. In a way it reminds me of Lars and the Real Girl. Also I don't remember seeing many (or any) camera directions or transitions. Again, probably something you'll add later as you flesh it out. Page 9 (or google page 10), Thomas' first line on the page, you left out the word "you" (unless you wanted him to sound like a caveman for that line, in which case, mission accomplished.)
I liked the story. Great concept for a short film.
(12-13-2012, 08:44 PM)Mission Difficult link Wrote: [ -> ][quote author=Karth link=topic=6616.msg258389#msg258389 date=1355445021]
Here's the script I wrote.
It's still a work in-progress. I'd love any constructive criticism.
The first thing that comes to mind is detail, especially for a short. I want to know how old he is, what he looks like, as much information about locations and interiors as possible. I can imagine all of the locations, but I want you to tell me what I should be seeing. After all, it's a visual medium. You probably already know that and are planning on it, but I'm just listing stuff so I don't leave anything out. Also, does he not feel any emotions at all? Or does he just lack the ability to express? I read a little bit about the blunted affect. I guess it's not that important for something small like this. In a way it reminds me of Lars and the Real Girl. Also I don't remember seeing many (or any) camera directions or transitions. Again, probably something you'll add later as you flesh it out. Page 9 (or google page 10), Thomas' first line on the page, you left out the word "you" (unless you wanted him to sound like a caveman for that line, in which case, mission accomplished.)
I liked the story. Great concept for a short film.
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Just a script, shouldn't be dishing out camera directions unless it's a screenplay.
Edit: Shit, you're right about the typo. I thought I had gotten all of that smoothed out. We were restricted to a maximum of 10 pages for my class so I'd be glad to add some more detailing.