The "Fuck my life" thread

[Turtle]

The brown recluse has nothing against the Sydney funnel-web. If I can quote a friend of mine, the sole reason I will never visit Australia;

[quote author=UltraJoe]
This is #1 on 'shit you don't want to bite you'. Period. If you get bitten by a snake, you have over 4 hours until the damage becomes chronic and sometimes up to 12 before you keel over dead (it's the heat and long distances to hospitals that make Australia so nasty with snakes, that and the fact that our snakes have venom you could clean grease stains with). Not so with the SFW, the record  for surviving this Eight-Legged-Armageddon is an Hour and sixteen minutes. The record. That was a healthy, very healthy man, fully hydrated and who knew how to treat the wound and stem the flow of poison and had god on his side (fickle ass). You, unprepared and unaware, will last 40 minutes, maximum. Think about how long that is, that's not a long time. That's not counting the fact that your fate is sealed after about 25 minutes, mind you, and you'd better hope the ambulance reaches you in time.

It's venom has Hemotoxic, Neurotoxic and Necrotic effects

Let me give you a rundown of what a whack from this thing will do to you:

1) Agonizing Pain. Not 'ow, put an ice-block on that' agony, but roll on the floor and beg for death agony. Neurotoxin is an utter bitch and will rape your nerve endings and make you see Satan.
2) Drooling. Not spit, not the pre-vomit wet-mouthness. After only 5 minutes you will drool so much and so uncontrollably you can barely breath or speak, making calling for help really hard. Did we mention agony more extreme than anything you have ever felt?
3) After this point, the fun stuff starts. You will cry, pee and crap blood, you will drool and vomit blood and the agony that once made you want to cut off your bitten limb has now spread to your entire body and is making every nerve scream for death.

And this little prick of an animal will bite you multiple times, if he can get you, because he feeds on your tears.

You die at this point. Ambulance drivers don't rush for snake bites, save to spare you prolonged pain before you get the cure. They will run red lights, scrape up against other cars and mount the sidewalk to get a funnelweb victim to the hospital, because after they've got there the guy is usually crying blood already.

If it bites your hand and you survive (making you honorarily Ultra), you will lose fingers, if it bites your foot be prepared to lose it, if it bites your face you're about to become one ugly fucker. Most of Australia's wildlife gets exaggerated in its lethality (at least I thought it did), even though everything here bar the sheep spit poison (the trees, dammit! Poison Trees!), but not the funnelweb.

[/quote]
While reading this i felt a little thing on my hand and smacked my hand so hard because i thought it was one of those

Then i tried to convince myself that this spider can't get to america

[Squishy3]

Ronnie James Dio died. I brought it up in an IRC room. Most of the replies were "Who's Ronnie James Dio?"


:'(

[PyroZombie]

Ronnie James Dio died. I brought it up in an IRC room. Most of the replies were "Who's Ronnie James Dio?"


:'(

I was going to post this. I already miss him.

[PyroZombie]

[quote author=PyroZombie link=topic=3709.msg152542#msg152542 date=1273986678]
The brown recluse has nothing against the Sydney funnel-web. If I can quote a friend of mine, the sole reason I will never visit Australia;

[quote author=UltraJoe]
This is #1 on 'shit you don't want to bite you'. Period. If you get bitten by a snake, you have over 4 hours until the damage becomes chronic and sometimes up to 12 before you keel over dead (it's the heat and long distances to hospitals that make Australia so nasty with snakes, that and the fact that our snakes have venom you could clean grease stains with). Not so with the SFW, the record  for surviving this Eight-Legged-Armageddon is an Hour and sixteen minutes. The record. That was a healthy, very healthy man, fully hydrated and who knew how to treat the wound and stem the flow of poison and had god on his side (fickle ass). You, unprepared and unaware, will last 40 minutes, maximum. Think about how long that is, that's not a long time. That's not counting the fact that your fate is sealed after about 25 minutes, mind you, and you'd better hope the ambulance reaches you in time.

It's venom has Hemotoxic, Neurotoxic and Necrotic effects

Let me give you a rundown of what a whack from this thing will do to you:

1) Agonizing Pain. Not 'ow, put an ice-block on that' agony, but roll on the floor and beg for death agony. Neurotoxin is an utter bitch and will rape your nerve endings and make you see Satan.
2) Drooling. Not spit, not the pre-vomit wet-mouthness. After only 5 minutes you will drool so much and so uncontrollably you can barely breath or speak, making calling for help really hard. Did we mention agony more extreme than anything you have ever felt?
3) After this point, the fun stuff starts. You will cry, pee and crap blood, you will drool and vomit blood and the agony that once made you want to cut off your bitten limb has now spread to your entire body and is making every nerve scream for death.

And this little prick of an animal will bite you multiple times, if he can get you, because he feeds on your tears.

You die at this point. Ambulance drivers don't rush for snake bites, save to spare you prolonged pain before you get the cure. They will run red lights, scrape up against other cars and mount the sidewalk to get a funnelweb victim to the hospital, because after they've got there the guy is usually crying blood already.

If it bites your hand and you survive (making you honorarily Ultra), you will lose fingers, if it bites your foot be prepared to lose it, if it bites your face you're about to become one ugly fucker. Most of Australia's wildlife gets exaggerated in its lethality (at least I thought it did), even though everything here bar the sheep spit poison (the trees, dammit! Poison Trees!), but not the funnelweb.

[/quote]
While reading this i felt a little thing on my hand and smacked my hand so hard because i thought it was one of those

Then i tried to convince myself that this spider can't get to america
[/quote]Actually they can last long periods of time in water, they like to seem like dead things in your pool and when you skim them out, they jump on you and bite you(Multiple times), they've actually been seen traveling westward in the Indian ocean.

[Odin]

dio died this morning

Ronnie James Dio died. I brought it up in an IRC room. Most of the replies were "Who's Ronnie James Dio?"


:'(

>_>

[Dtrain323i]

[quote author=Turtle link=topic=3709.msg152650#msg152650 date=1274057301]
[quote author=PyroZombie link=topic=3709.msg152542#msg152542 date=1273986678]
The brown recluse has nothing against the Sydney funnel-web. If I can quote a friend of mine, the sole reason I will never visit Australia;

[quote author=UltraJoe]
This is #1 on 'shit you don't want to bite you'. Period. If you get bitten by a snake, you have over 4 hours until the damage becomes chronic and sometimes up to 12 before you keel over dead (it's the heat and long distances to hospitals that make Australia so nasty with snakes, that and the fact that our snakes have venom you could clean grease stains with). Not so with the SFW, the record  for surviving this Eight-Legged-Armageddon is an Hour and sixteen minutes. The record. That was a healthy, very healthy man, fully hydrated and who knew how to treat the wound and stem the flow of poison and had god on his side (fickle ass). You, unprepared and unaware, will last 40 minutes, maximum. Think about how long that is, that's not a long time. That's not counting the fact that your fate is sealed after about 25 minutes, mind you, and you'd better hope the ambulance reaches you in time.

It's venom has Hemotoxic, Neurotoxic and Necrotic effects

Let me give you a rundown of what a whack from this thing will do to you:

1) Agonizing Pain. Not 'ow, put an ice-block on that' agony, but roll on the floor and beg for death agony. Neurotoxin is an utter bitch and will rape your nerve endings and make you see Satan.
2) Drooling. Not spit, not the pre-vomit wet-mouthness. After only 5 minutes you will drool so much and so uncontrollably you can barely breath or speak, making calling for help really hard. Did we mention agony more extreme than anything you have ever felt?
3) After this point, the fun stuff starts. You will cry, pee and crap blood, you will drool and vomit blood and the agony that once made you want to cut off your bitten limb has now spread to your entire body and is making every nerve scream for death.

And this little prick of an animal will bite you multiple times, if he can get you, because he feeds on your tears.

You die at this point. Ambulance drivers don't rush for snake bites, save to spare you prolonged pain before you get the cure. They will run red lights, scrape up against other cars and mount the sidewalk to get a funnelweb victim to the hospital, because after they've got there the guy is usually crying blood already.

If it bites your hand and you survive (making you honorarily Ultra), you will lose fingers, if it bites your foot be prepared to lose it, if it bites your face you're about to become one ugly fucker. Most of Australia's wildlife gets exaggerated in its lethality (at least I thought it did), even though everything here bar the sheep spit poison (the trees, dammit! Poison Trees!), but not the funnelweb.

[/quote]
While reading this i felt a little thing on my hand and smacked my hand so hard because i thought it was one of those

Then i tried to convince myself that this spider can't get to america
[/quote]Actually they can last long periods of time in water, they like to seem like dead things in your pool and when you skim them out, they jump on you and bite you(Multiple times), they've actually been seen traveling westward in the Indian ocean.
[/quote]

fuck spiders, and fuck anything that flies and stings too.

[Versus]

fuck spiders, and fuck anything that flies and stings too.

this

[copulatingduck]

[quote author=Dtrain323i link=topic=3709.msg152730#msg152730 date=1274115349]
fuck spiders, and fuck anything that flies and stings too.

i will fuck anything that flies and stings


[/quote]

FTFY

[Versus]

lol

[Turtle]

owned

[cbre88x]

[quote author=PyroZombie link=topic=3709.msg152691#msg152691 date=1274072500]
[quote author=Turtle link=topic=3709.msg152650#msg152650 date=1274057301]
[quote author=PyroZombie link=topic=3709.msg152542#msg152542 date=1273986678]
The brown recluse has nothing against the Sydney funnel-web. If I can quote a friend of mine, the sole reason I will never visit Australia;

[quote author=UltraJoe]
This is #1 on 'shit you don't want to bite you'. Period. If you get bitten by a snake, you have over 4 hours until the damage becomes chronic and sometimes up to 12 before you keel over dead (it's the heat and long distances to hospitals that make Australia so nasty with snakes, that and the fact that our snakes have venom you could clean grease stains with). Not so with the SFW, the record  for surviving this Eight-Legged-Armageddon is an Hour and sixteen minutes. The record. That was a healthy, very healthy man, fully hydrated and who knew how to treat the wound and stem the flow of poison and had god on his side (fickle ass). You, unprepared and unaware, will last 40 minutes, maximum. Think about how long that is, that's not a long time. That's not counting the fact that your fate is sealed after about 25 minutes, mind you, and you'd better hope the ambulance reaches you in time.

It's venom has Hemotoxic, Neurotoxic and Necrotic effects

Let me give you a rundown of what a whack from this thing will do to you:

1) Agonizing Pain. Not 'ow, put an ice-block on that' agony, but roll on the floor and beg for death agony. Neurotoxin is an utter bitch and will rape your nerve endings and make you see Satan.
2) Drooling. Not spit, not the pre-vomit wet-mouthness. After only 5 minutes you will drool so much and so uncontrollably you can barely breath or speak, making calling for help really hard. Did we mention agony more extreme than anything you have ever felt?
3) After this point, the fun stuff starts. You will cry, pee and crap blood, you will drool and vomit blood and the agony that once made you want to cut off your bitten limb has now spread to your entire body and is making every nerve scream for death.

And this little prick of an animal will bite you multiple times, if he can get you, because he feeds on your tears.

You die at this point. Ambulance drivers don't rush for snake bites, save to spare you prolonged pain before you get the cure. They will run red lights, scrape up against other cars and mount the sidewalk to get a funnelweb victim to the hospital, because after they've got there the guy is usually crying blood already.

If it bites your hand and you survive (making you honorarily Ultra), you will lose fingers, if it bites your foot be prepared to lose it, if it bites your face you're about to become one ugly fucker. Most of Australia's wildlife gets exaggerated in its lethality (at least I thought it did), even though everything here bar the sheep spit poison (the trees, dammit! Poison Trees!), but not the funnelweb.

[/quote]
While reading this i felt a little thing on my hand and smacked my hand so hard because i thought it was one of those

Then i tried to convince myself that this spider can't get to america
[/quote]Actually they can last long periods of time in water, they like to seem like dead things in your pool and when you skim them out, they jump on you and bite you(Multiple times), they've actually been seen traveling westward in the Indian ocean.
[/quote]

fuck spiders, and fuck anything that flies and stings too.
[/quote]

brown recluse can do damage, but its toxins dont work as quickly as the funnel web. that's why the funnel web is one of the most dangerous spiders in existence.

I actually had to go kill a brown recluse for a chick friend of mine.. it made a home of her toilet and sink.

[CaffeinePowered]

The funnel web is also more dangerous because it is aggressive and will not run and hide, it will rear up and fucking come after you

[Turtle]

ok fuck you guys now i think funnel webs are going to come to america and kill me also thanks whoever posted the picture because now i won't be able to fall asleep (that or i had like 3 nitro monster thingys just now)

[Surf314]

ok fuck you guys now i think funnel webs are going to come to america and kill me also thanks whoever posted the picture because now i won't be able to fall asleep (that or i had like 3 nitro monster thingys just now)

I used to have this thing where everytime I ate or drank something I just knew that there had to be something wrong with it. Like my friend's dad was drinking brand new OJ out of the bottle and he felt something weird and he pulled a roach leg out of his teeth. Or this teacher I had had a half grown chick in her eggs. And the people that work in restaurants that are angry and sneeze or wipe their butt on the food. I just knew that statistically something gross was eventually going to happen to me. So I would look at everything before I consumed it. Like really look. And then when I got to the end I'd think well everything seemed OK and I'm not really hungry/thirsty anymore so why push my luck. Then I'd throw the rest away. It used to annoy the shit out of my ex-step-sister and my best friend, but you know what? I started catching them look at their food before eating it and look at what they were drinking before drinking it. Like really look. And sometimes they'd toss the end bit.

I guess what I'm trying to say is enjoy those nitro monster thingys.

[cbre88x]

The funnel web is also more dangerous because it is aggressive and will not run and hide, it will rear up and fucking come after you

naturally. the recluse has the name for a reason. it won't attack unless provoked. the funnel web is a predator tho..so it's more prone to full aggression.

[Luinbariel]

[quote author=Turtle link=topic=3709.msg152823#msg152823 date=1274146969]
ok fuck you guys now i think funnel webs are going to come to america and kill me also thanks whoever posted the picture because now i won't be able to fall asleep (that or i had like 3 nitro monster thingys just now)

I used to have this thing where everytime I ate or drank something I just knew that there had to be something wrong with it. Like my friend's dad was drinking brand new OJ out of the bottle and he felt something weird and he pulled a roach leg out of his teeth. Or this teacher I had had a half grown chick in her eggs. And the people that work in restaurants that are angry and sneeze or wipe their butt on the food. I just knew that statistically something gross was eventually going to happen to me. So I would look at everything before I consumed it. Like really look. And then when I got to the end I'd think well everything seemed OK and I'm not really hungry/thirsty anymore so why push my luck. Then I'd throw the rest away. It used to annoy the shit out of my ex-step-sister and my best friend, but you know what? I started catching them look at their food before eating it and look at what they were drinking before drinking it. Like really look. And sometimes they'd toss the end bit.

I guess what I'm trying to say is enjoy those nitro monster thingys.
[/quote]


I wish I could find for you the website that details what percentage of just about any food product out there is actually insects. It is a surprisingly large amount.

[A. Crow]

[quote author=Surf314 link=topic=3709.msg152831#msg152831 date=1274150133]
[quote author=Turtle link=topic=3709.msg152823#msg152823 date=1274146969]
ok fuck you guys now i think funnel webs are going to come to america and kill me also thanks whoever posted the picture because now i won't be able to fall asleep (that or i had like 3 nitro monster thingys just now)

I used to have this thing where everytime I ate or drank something I just knew that there had to be something wrong with it. Like my friend's dad was drinking brand new OJ out of the bottle and he felt something weird and he pulled a roach leg out of his teeth. Or this teacher I had had a half grown chick in her eggs. And the people that work in restaurants that are angry and sneeze or wipe their butt on the food. I just knew that statistically something gross was eventually going to happen to me. So I would look at everything before I consumed it. Like really look. And then when I got to the end I'd think well everything seemed OK and I'm not really hungry/thirsty anymore so why push my luck. Then I'd throw the rest away. It used to annoy the shit out of my ex-step-sister and my best friend, but you know what? I started catching them look at their food before eating it and look at what they were drinking before drinking it. Like really look. And sometimes they'd toss the end bit.

I guess what I'm trying to say is enjoy those nitro monster thingys.
[/quote]


I wish I could find for you the website that details what percentage of just about any food product out there is actually insects. It is a surprisingly large amount.
[/quote]

yeah, there was a time I was at a tipping point; I could go the neurotic cleanliness way (and I saw what that did to my brother), or I could just not give a shit.  I long ago rationalized away all the crap that you could eat and is bad for you.  Your body is amazingly resilient, and your state of mind has more to do with it than you think.  Roaches are protein, and all that bad stuff is going to die in a fire of acid in your stomach.  And even if it doesn't, you're not going to get sick, because you're not a pansy. 

[Luinbariel]

[quote author=Luinbariel link=topic=3709.msg152845#msg152845 date=1274154520]
[quote author=Surf314 link=topic=3709.msg152831#msg152831 date=1274150133]
[quote author=Turtle link=topic=3709.msg152823#msg152823 date=1274146969]
ok fuck you guys now i think funnel webs are going to come to america and kill me also thanks whoever posted the picture because now i won't be able to fall asleep (that or i had like 3 nitro monster thingys just now)

I used to have this thing where everytime I ate or drank something I just knew that there had to be something wrong with it. Like my friend's dad was drinking brand new OJ out of the bottle and he felt something weird and he pulled a roach leg out of his teeth. Or this teacher I had had a half grown chick in her eggs. And the people that work in restaurants that are angry and sneeze or wipe their butt on the food. I just knew that statistically something gross was eventually going to happen to me. So I would look at everything before I consumed it. Like really look. And then when I got to the end I'd think well everything seemed OK and I'm not really hungry/thirsty anymore so why push my luck. Then I'd throw the rest away. It used to annoy the shit out of my ex-step-sister and my best friend, but you know what? I started catching them look at their food before eating it and look at what they were drinking before drinking it. Like really look. And sometimes they'd toss the end bit.

I guess what I'm trying to say is enjoy those nitro monster thingys.
[/quote]


I wish I could find for you the website that details what percentage of just about any food product out there is actually insects. It is a surprisingly large amount.
[/quote]

yeah, there was a time I was at a tipping point; I could go the neurotic cleanliness way (and I saw what that did to my brother), or I could just not give a shit.  I long ago rationalized away all the crap that you could eat and is bad for you.  Your body is amazingly resilient, and your state of mind has more to do with it than you think.  Roaches are protein, and all that bad stuff is going to die in a fire of acid in your stomach.  And even if it doesn't, you're not going to get sick, because you're not a pansy. 
[/quote]

Considering that a considerable percentage of your food is going to contain insects for SURE, you might as well get used to it. Think about it. I suppose you haven't all seen this directly, but when something like grain is harvested there are a ton of grasshoppers and other miscellaneous insects that come along with it. I remember looking in the back of the grain truck many times and just seeing all sorts of grasshoppers wiggling around in there, beetles, whatever else. That is then dumped to the grain elevator where everything else happens, but they don't ever really make much of an effort to sift out ALL of the insects. This is also true for many other sorts of foods.

They're in there. All that free protein.


EDIT



I found it.

http://www.fda.gov/food/guidancecomplian...056174.htm



MUSHROOMS, CANNED AND DRIED

- Average of over 20 or more maggots of any size per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid or 15 grams of dried mushrooms
OR
Average of 5 or more maggots 2 mm or longer per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid or 15 grams of dried mushrooms

[Vandamguy]

lol this thread is so win.

luins link will make you diet.

for tardle:

[Didzo]

What's with all the scary looking spiders?




I find these little guys cute. They are also fascinating to watch... Though I always think they would be better if they were giant, made out of titanium, and had a rocket launcher and gatling gun mounted on either side.

Also, Tardle, I think you want to look up what a brown recluse bite looks like.