Be Right Back, Uninstalling

(07-31-2010, 12:43 AM)Luinbariel link Wrote: [ -> ][quote author=at0m link=topic=3709.msg167033#msg167033 date=1280554333]
My point was more along the lines of: it's not your job to determine what is or isn't best for another person. From your description, you were planning on severing ties with this person whatever your decision was. Instead of letting it continue to eat at you, let it out. Talk to a counselor, or just talk to the person and say your piece. There's nothing worse than wasting time suffering needlessly - it's not heroic, no matter what the movies/anime/novels tell you. You're not required to be the tragic hero, suffering endlessly for the betterment of mankind. That's a load of bullshit, there's always a simpler way to handle things that won't leave your brain eating itself from the inside out. It's just not always readily apparent, or easy (in the short term).

This exactly.
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Talk it out with someone.

But in the end, you will have to confront your demon head on. No fucking around. Avoiding an issue is one way to make sure it is never resolved.

(07-31-2010, 12:32 AM)at0m link Wrote: [ -> ]My point was more along the lines of: it's not your job to determine what is or isn't best for another person. From your description, you were planning on severing ties with this person whatever your decision was. Instead of letting it continue to eat at you, let it out. Talk to a counselor, or just talk to the person and say your piece. There's nothing worse than wasting time suffering needlessly - it's not heroic, no matter what the movies/anime/novels tell you. You're not required to be the tragic hero, suffering endlessly for the betterment of mankind. That's a load of bullshit, there's always a simpler way to handle things that won't leave your brain eating itself from the inside out. It's just not always readily apparent, or easy (in the short term).

Actually, I wanted to do precisely the opposite.

Maybe I should be more descriptive.

Freshmen year, back when I was more a opportunistic person, My last class in my first day. I met someone, a girl named Yazmin. I did know it at first but she would change my life. I didn't real feel anything for her before I started talking to her. Our teacher, she got married so I don't know her name anymore, sent us around to meet our classmates. When we began to talk, I felt that we were the same, we used the same words, we had the same interests, we became great friends in minutes. I soon learned that she had a boyfriend. It crushed me immediately, but me being the person I was back then, I wasn't dejected. If I couldn't be her boyfriend, Then I might as well be her friend. We did everything a friend would do. We talked, we listened to eachother's problems, We cheated off each other, Woke each other up before class ended. Mid-way through the year, she told me she had a fight with her boyfriend and they broke up, but then I thought that I had no chance. Whoever her boyfriend was, he was better then me. Had money, a ride, and probably looks. I'm a soft-seven with my face-personality included, she was a 9. I was still her friend by the end of the year, where I had gotten a job and a friend with a car who could maybe pass as not a complete asshole at times. I was going to ask her out, but I got distracted and I missed her.The second year we didn't see each other much, our schedules were different. Life got harder, but I passed through, even lost alittle weight, anything to get another chance to see her. 3rd year we had gym together, here we reminisced and talked about the old days, and she talked about how she was getting busier. The last day of gym we watched old sports bloopers in the wrestling room. We talked and talked until she said she was going to sleep, and laid her head on my shoulder. It's the closest I've ever allowed anyone to be near me since I began being who I am, instead of being what I was, a blissfully ignorant dopey asshole(I now use that identity to distract people from my own personal insanity). Don't get me wrong, I'm not much better, but I'm now more self-aware. I eventually went to sleep to, because once you seen 2 outfielders collide, you've seen them all collide. I was planning before that to tell her my feelings there, but I overslept and was late to my next class across the fucking school, fucking awful schedule. That next year, I didn't see her much at all.  I felt I lost my chance, but a few passing hellos had restored my hopes. Late in the year, I felt my best chance was collect my cash and plan something big. I got the plan, the money and planned a ride(limousine my grandpa had left one of my uncles and my good friend), I was going to ask her on graduation, that was my day, but fate had other plans. Now as I look back I see that I was just too blind to see. I saw her in the gym, where the seniors assembled. We began talking as we always did. "Nothing had changed", I thought. She looked beautiful in her white graduation gown Then came the moment, The moment where I finally said fuck you to my fear, fuck you to my luck, and fuck you to myself. Do it or don't. We both began with "I have something to tell you". Being a gentleman, I said that she should go first. She showed me a picture of a little girl named Evelyn, her daughter. Couldn't have been more then 6 months old. I was fucking stopped in my tracks. I felt my time stop, and my brain break. I had just made an ass out of myself for 4 years. Trust me, If I could clone myself, I'd beat myself to death with sledgehammer for being such a fucking douchey asshole, and not telling her in the first place. I wanted to scream, but I wouldn't allow myself. I took a breath and said, "You have a beautiful little daughter." That sentence alone had to have shortened my life. It was then I decided never to tell her. She had a kid and college to worry about. I knew nothing of the daddy situation, and didn't want to stress her anymore. I went through with the useless ceremony, said my hello/goodbyes, and left immediately. And that was it.

So you see, I'm not doing this for the sake of being a tragic hero, I'm doing this because I love her. It's as simple as that, but your right, it's not easy. Having to live with the what if's. Would it had been okay? Would it have been miserable? Would it even go that far? "Did I make the right decision?"-That one is the biggest frustration. These question tear at me, wondering if I'm my own worst enemy, if I shouldn't trust myself as much as I do.

It's tough to resolve my business because, While I know she is still around and goes to the same college, I wouldn't know how to contact her. It just seems endless.

ok mang,
first of all I feel the need to point out that these forums are mostly about gaming, not personal support group. so you're starting off on the wrong foot with where you're looking for help.
we've told you where to go for help and you started crying.

Here's what i suggest.

Call her and read what you just wrote there, then wait for her to make her move.
or
Creep her on facebook and copy pasta it into a message.
or
print it out and mail it to her.

Don't change what you've written, it seems like this is exactly what you need to say to her.

I don't really give a shit one way or the other but FML thread is not a soap box for you to garner pity for your self loathing behaviour.

(07-31-2010, 07:56 AM)Vandamguy link Wrote: [ -> ]ok mang,
first of all I feel the need to point out that these forums are mostly about gaming, not personal support group. so you're starting off on the wrong foot with where you're looking for help.
we've told you where to go for help and you started crying.

Here's what i suggest.

Call her and read what you just wrote there, then wait for her to make her move.
or
Creep her on facebook and copy pasta it into a message.
or
print it out and mail it to her.

Don't change what you've written, it seems like this is exactly what you need to say to her.

I don't really give a shit one way or the other but FML thread is not a soap box for you to garner pity for your self loathing behaviour.

Vandam's pretty much right. We've given advice and explaining the situation hasn't changed anything. You still ought to DO it or talk to someone professionally about it.

We really can't give you the kind of help you seem to want, only you can really do that. By doing it.

In the end I thought you had been beaten severely as a child or something based on the way you were acting, not had an unrequited love and were unsure if it was the right choice. We ALL have situations like this in our life. You aren't alone.

HAHA! Stupid pyrozombie.

I just reconnected with my best female friend from junior high. I've been out of touch with her for like....12 years? Anyways, we're older now, adults, I'm divorcing, she's got 5 kids and her hubby just cheated on her, life and stuff, etc. We get to talking about the old times, and she remarks that I never seemed to talk about girlfriends and sex.

I says, I walked you home everyday because I was waiting for you to kiss me.

She says, well, then you should have kissed me, asshole, cause I was waiting for it.

HAHA! Stupid Rummy.

Shit sucks, pyro. Get over it, it's gonna happen two dozen more times to you. Move on, plenty of fish. Next time, go for it.

Pyro, you shouldn't get hung up on that shit.  Bitches are a dime a dozen my friend, and she's got a kid now.  Don't let this eat at you.  But if you feel you really need it, go to a professional.  We're a bunch of computer game nerds who probably can't offer the best possible advice.

Basically what Rummy said.  Shit sucks, you missed an opportunity, I did too, and I moved on.  Gotta realize you can't live in the past, or you're just going to eat yourself up over what you could have done.  Sure, you might regret not telling her earlier, shit, I do.  That doesn't matter, everyone has regrets, you just gotta realize you've still got your whole life ahead of you, and it isn't the end of the world.  I can kinda dig how you feel, but you've been holding onto that pain waaay too long.  Just gotta let go of all the pain and self-blame and move on.  Not saying it will be easy, but you gotta do it.  If telling her how you feel helps, then do it.  It might bring you a bit of closure.

(07-31-2010, 02:28 PM)rumsfald link Wrote: [ -> ]I says, I walked you home everyday because I was waiting for you to kiss me.

She says, well, then you should have kissed me, asshole, cause I was waiting for it.

HAHA! Stupid Rummy.

Shit sucks, pyro. Get over it, it's gonna happen two dozen more times to you. Move on, plenty of fish. Next time, go for it.

I'll just leave this here.

(If You're Wondering if I Want You To) I Want You To.

tl;dr

Worst headache ever.

So getting back from portland sucked

Only way to get back to Michigan was to go to Arizona and then take another flight to Detroit

Got to Detroit an hour late (which was like midnight)

They lost my luggage

gotta love dtw  :-*

(08-01-2010, 12:06 PM)geoff link Wrote: [ -> ]gotta love dtw  :-*

hey at least it's not lansing where there's only like 2 people in the entire airport

i invited jorge to a tf2 game but then i remembered



its been over a year and jorge is still banned from the server

(08-01-2010, 07:26 PM)geoff link Wrote: [ -> ]i invited jorge to a tf2 game but then i remembered



its been over a year and jorge is still banned from the server

that's what happens when you grief the crew that loved you.

(08-01-2010, 07:36 PM)Kor link Wrote: [ -> ][quote author=geoff link=topic=3709.msg167270#msg167270 date=1280708795]
i invited jorge to a tf2 game but then i remembered



its been over a year and jorge is still banned from the server

that's what happens when you grief someone on irc who never plays.
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STOP SPAMMING THAT COLOURED SHIT

IRC is so relevant to TF2. b)

We need to have all jorge happen on gorge.

Yeah why did we ban Jorge anyway ???