(10-16-2013, 03:46 PM)Nitrous Oxide link Wrote: [ -> ][story goes here]
i know many other people smarter than me and likely more experience than me as well has commented on this, and hopefully you're taking those comments to heart, but i thought i would give my own comments on this situation. and i could be completely wrong on everything im saying, but im basing my thoughts on your single post here alone
for one, i want you to stop taking the easy road. secondly, i want you to stop looking for meaning in other people's lives (primarily those of the opposite sex).
you're falling into a trap of finding someone you think you can easily hook up with that will automatically improve your life just because she's in it, that you want to have her as a nice girlfriend who you can connect with, share your interests, magically fill your emotional needs in a snap of a finger, and be a source of constant validation for you. we've all been there, and then we hit the part where we think all women are simply shallow and simply use you, but there's still this one girl that's different from all the rest and "ill treat her differently, and she will do the same for me". so you'll position yourself so that when (and importantly, if) they break up you can simply show yourself as a guy who has been there all along in some form of shining armor (im exaggerating here) and then she'll be so happy for you because you're different from the rest, and blah blah blah
stop it.
if she hasnt even told you explicitly she feels the same way you do about her, you have absolutely no reason to think that she does. this is the 'trap' i was talking about. you've already set up this elaborate situation in your head, and once you figure out that it's not entirely possible, you feel your heart in your chest drop when it doesnt work out the way you thought it would.
i hope you're seeing just how dumb this exactly is. and if not, a few years down you'll look back and read this post and be like "how did i ever think that way? why was i simply setting myself to fail?"
so what now? you're feeling down, effects of depression even, feeling like you're stuck. but the one thing to realize, is that you're feeling this way because of your own choice. this is only complicated for yourself because you made it that way. and maybe once you've figured that out you'll feel a little bit more down. so now it's time to ask yourself some questions, maybe reevaluate a bit of where your life is exactly going. ask yourself questions such as: are you being honest and putting your real personality out there? are you living a compelling life that fascinates others and draws them in? are you driven by a life purpose that YOU are passionate about? do you seek out meaningful life experience that will create personal depth? THESE ARE ALL THINGS THAT YOU CAN IMPROVE ON, RIGHT NOW. maybe this means finding a new hobby, joining a few clubs, living life a little more. maybe this means dumping your current group of friends and getting ones that are better for you (i cant answer this for you and neither am i saying this is the case). whatever it is, its going to be you and only you making these choices.
i want to take something i read on another forum, and maybe it will explain things a little better than i can for the next part:
Quote:The ability to make lasting, meaningful connections with your partners isn't something that gets handed to you from whining about it on an Internet forum. It's something you EARN along the way as you journey toward becoming a man.
Why the fuck are you looking for âmeaningâ from another person, anyway? You can't expect another person to fill the void of meaning in your life. If a woman can tell that you're trying to get something from her, whether it be sex or âconnection,â she will instinctively pull away because she can tell you're being a fucking parasite.
Meaning comes from your goals, your passion, your life purpose, the things that you care about and dedicate yourself to. If you want to find a real connection, place your true purpose in the center of your life and then invite another person to share and celebrate that with you. That's what connection is, and any attempt at creating connection without that foundation will be inevitably shallow.
so what does all of this have to do with my first point? i was basically only talking about the second part for everything above, so why do i say to 'stop taking the easy road'? you've likely already heard this, so im not going to bother with elaborating on it much. improving yourself will never be easy. finding interest in a girl that has maybe showed a little bit of interest in you IS easy. excelling at accomplishing challenges you'll inevitably face in life won't be easy. just getting something done is. you say you're athletic and so im not doubting that you don't know this or something like that. but maybe you have to apply the thought to way more things in life.
like i said when opening this, these are just my thoughts from my experiences and what im reading from what you wrote. there is a huge possibility that my advice could be total horseshit (which i hope it isnt).
disregard whats holding you back. appreciate that you had the opportunity to face these challenges and that you're able to graciously improve yourself because of them. celebrate your accomplishments. most importantly though is to keep moving. never stop to look back on what could have been. always be happy that tomorrow you have the ability to make all the choices you want to make, regardless of what others think. because when others are doubting what you could be, they are simply trying to hold you down at the same level they are at, because they dont want to put the effort in to improve when they see that you do.
godspeed.