05-05-2010, 04:37 AM
hi tim, you probably dont want to read this during breakfast
dirty cheating cuntwhore heard through the grapevine that my own way of dealing with things was demonizing her. she wanted to have a nice long talk about it. lots of things were said. she felt i was being unfair by being so upset about it, and that she was trying awfully hard not to flaunt her new relationship in my face. i reminded her that she was a dirty cheating cuntwhore, and that not 2 weeks ago she spoiled her own party by going to third base right there in the lounge, and i unfortunately had to see that.
she is upset that she can no longer "be herself" when she's sending out emails (lol). I'm on every social list that she's on, and her SO's ex (whom was also cheated on and dumped in similar fashion) is on every academic/professional list she's on. I mangled the translation, but was ultimately very pleased with myself when i told her "you shit in your bed, now sleep in it."
she felt it wasn't fair that i held her lack of support pre and post-breakup against her (i had explicitly stated that i would need a buddy and had no other shoulders in Boston that I felt comfortable crying on); that she had tried to get in touch with me, but could never find me, and assumed that that simply meant i didnt want to be found. i reminded her that she never tried phoning or im-ing, and that when it comes to people i dont like, i dont really give a shit about how hard they tried, i just care about results.
she was upset that i was giving her the cold shoulder, and that i was making it so difficult to remain friends. i told her all it takes is a genuine apology (she made one pathetic attempt earlier and even admitted later that it was disingenuous), and a lot of hard work after. i also pointed out that i was perfectly happy to completely forget about her, because if she wasnt willing to apologize then she wasnt really worth my time, as she'd made a pretty shitty friend the last couple months and dropped every ball i gave her. i also pointed out the impracticality of trying to patch things up, what with her worrying about graduating, my unstable living arrangements, and her matriculation to CalTech in the fall all looming. she mentioned "that's actually exactly what i said earlier when you couldnt hear me, and i didnt want to repeat it."
me: "Well I guess great minds think alike."
It was at that point that she very genuinely said "I'm sorry you got hurt," and I lost it. I think more than anything I'm just hurt that I'm not worth the trouble to patch things up.
On the positive side, I accidentally bumped my deadlift up 60lbs from last week. Accidentally grabbed 45's instead of 35's, and then added 20 more again after that felt too light. Only realized after I was ridiculously spent after 4 sets that I was doing 155, which is very nearly my body weight, so I'm pretty pumped about that for a week2.
I'm going to drink myself stupid and go to bed, thanks for listening
edit: jesus, I gotta learn to stop typing such ridiculously long posts
edit x2: to be fair, I'm pretty happy with where my life is right now. I'm working on finishing my degree, and I think I'm pretty much on track for that, minus maybe the alcohol every day. I get to do what I want, whenever I want, and I'm no longer closely associated with anyone who thinks less of me or gives me shit for it. I say what I want (mostly lots of terrible jokes and jibes at friends) and most of my friends agree that while I'm a bigger dick with the teasing, I'm also happier, and tend to make more of an effort to help them when they need it. All but one seem happy for the change. I have people who admire my outlook on life, and even ask me for advice.
While I very frequently extoll the benefits of life-coaches (usually as a snide remark such as "that kid needs a life coach" for laughs), I never imagined anyone would take me seriously, or even worse - consider me a decent life coach. But I've given my spiel, and when I didn't know what to say I defaulted to the wisdom of others: many thanks to Kor, Rummy, and Crow in particular, you were all very kind and your advice helped me through the absolute worst of a very tough time in my life. Apparently my advice, as well as some of yours has landed one bestie a lady-friend, so I'm happy for him to have that. He's also re-evaluated his dating priorities. Looking for a lifer at such a young age (23) is ridiculous, and asking someone to commit to 40+ years of your life at a time when your values can and often will change dramatically is just asking too much. Hopefully he won't worry so much about marriage and family so much, and just have a fucking good time.
I have a nice little nest-egg from Lottery work, and with even a shitty retail job I'm confident that I would not have a problem living beyond my means. I've had several job interviews (none of which panned out unfotunately), but that is already several interviews more than I ever got in Texas, so I'm confident I'll find work. I have plenty of friends that enjoy my company, and standing invitations to crash at at a multitude of places in Boston if I ever need a pal. I even have this bitching new avatar that makes me feel all warm inside and chuckle irl everytime I see it, it has really made my day. I'm generally very happy with how things are going, this was just a very distressing evening that I had hoped to avoid.
dirty cheating cuntwhore heard through the grapevine that my own way of dealing with things was demonizing her. she wanted to have a nice long talk about it. lots of things were said. she felt i was being unfair by being so upset about it, and that she was trying awfully hard not to flaunt her new relationship in my face. i reminded her that she was a dirty cheating cuntwhore, and that not 2 weeks ago she spoiled her own party by going to third base right there in the lounge, and i unfortunately had to see that.
she is upset that she can no longer "be herself" when she's sending out emails (lol). I'm on every social list that she's on, and her SO's ex (whom was also cheated on and dumped in similar fashion) is on every academic/professional list she's on. I mangled the translation, but was ultimately very pleased with myself when i told her "you shit in your bed, now sleep in it."
she felt it wasn't fair that i held her lack of support pre and post-breakup against her (i had explicitly stated that i would need a buddy and had no other shoulders in Boston that I felt comfortable crying on); that she had tried to get in touch with me, but could never find me, and assumed that that simply meant i didnt want to be found. i reminded her that she never tried phoning or im-ing, and that when it comes to people i dont like, i dont really give a shit about how hard they tried, i just care about results.
she was upset that i was giving her the cold shoulder, and that i was making it so difficult to remain friends. i told her all it takes is a genuine apology (she made one pathetic attempt earlier and even admitted later that it was disingenuous), and a lot of hard work after. i also pointed out that i was perfectly happy to completely forget about her, because if she wasnt willing to apologize then she wasnt really worth my time, as she'd made a pretty shitty friend the last couple months and dropped every ball i gave her. i also pointed out the impracticality of trying to patch things up, what with her worrying about graduating, my unstable living arrangements, and her matriculation to CalTech in the fall all looming. she mentioned "that's actually exactly what i said earlier when you couldnt hear me, and i didnt want to repeat it."
me: "Well I guess great minds think alike."
It was at that point that she very genuinely said "I'm sorry you got hurt," and I lost it. I think more than anything I'm just hurt that I'm not worth the trouble to patch things up.
On the positive side, I accidentally bumped my deadlift up 60lbs from last week. Accidentally grabbed 45's instead of 35's, and then added 20 more again after that felt too light. Only realized after I was ridiculously spent after 4 sets that I was doing 155, which is very nearly my body weight, so I'm pretty pumped about that for a week2.
I'm going to drink myself stupid and go to bed, thanks for listening
edit: jesus, I gotta learn to stop typing such ridiculously long posts
edit x2: to be fair, I'm pretty happy with where my life is right now. I'm working on finishing my degree, and I think I'm pretty much on track for that, minus maybe the alcohol every day. I get to do what I want, whenever I want, and I'm no longer closely associated with anyone who thinks less of me or gives me shit for it. I say what I want (mostly lots of terrible jokes and jibes at friends) and most of my friends agree that while I'm a bigger dick with the teasing, I'm also happier, and tend to make more of an effort to help them when they need it. All but one seem happy for the change. I have people who admire my outlook on life, and even ask me for advice.
While I very frequently extoll the benefits of life-coaches (usually as a snide remark such as "that kid needs a life coach" for laughs), I never imagined anyone would take me seriously, or even worse - consider me a decent life coach. But I've given my spiel, and when I didn't know what to say I defaulted to the wisdom of others: many thanks to Kor, Rummy, and Crow in particular, you were all very kind and your advice helped me through the absolute worst of a very tough time in my life. Apparently my advice, as well as some of yours has landed one bestie a lady-friend, so I'm happy for him to have that. He's also re-evaluated his dating priorities. Looking for a lifer at such a young age (23) is ridiculous, and asking someone to commit to 40+ years of your life at a time when your values can and often will change dramatically is just asking too much. Hopefully he won't worry so much about marriage and family so much, and just have a fucking good time.
I have a nice little nest-egg from Lottery work, and with even a shitty retail job I'm confident that I would not have a problem living beyond my means. I've had several job interviews (none of which panned out unfotunately), but that is already several interviews more than I ever got in Texas, so I'm confident I'll find work. I have plenty of friends that enjoy my company, and standing invitations to crash at at a multitude of places in Boston if I ever need a pal. I even have this bitching new avatar that makes me feel all warm inside and chuckle irl everytime I see it, it has really made my day. I'm generally very happy with how things are going, this was just a very distressing evening that I had hoped to avoid.